Saturday, December 25, 2010

A TRUE Christmas Story

MERRY CHRISTMAS my dear readers!!

Its the day we've all been waiting for every year and its finally here. So while you read this post I want you to listen to this song because its gonna be related and it sets the mood.

This Christmas, I'm not gonna tell you all those heart warming stuff between families and friends, nor am I gonna tell you what we traditionally do on Christmas day so basically, I'm not gonna share the obvious.

Instead, here is a true Christmas story which I just made up.

***WARNING: Only for 18 and above***

**eh, what the heck I'm 16 and I wrote this thing**

This is a story about a little girl named Vicky.

One Christmas Eve, Vicky couldn't sleep and crept down the stairs for a glass of milk to see a fat man in a red suit eating her cookies. Its Santa Claus!

As she stared at him, Santa turned around and realized that he was being watched! Of course Santa knew Vicky and she knew Santa.... but what little Vicky didn't know was that Santa Claus is actually... a pedophile...

What? You think an old fart in a red suit who knows every child's names and weather they're naughty or nice and gives them presents isn't a pedophile? You think a guy who sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake or not to mention the fact that he creeps into your house in the middle of the night via your chimney and eats all your cookies isn't weird at all?

Oh and by the way, he
LOVES children. So much...

Shame on you.

But anyway, Vicky totally freaked out before Santa could do anything because she was too excited and so Santa just dumped the gifts and left before her parents could come down.

20 years later, Vicky still believes in Santa Claus despite the fact that she's already 27 years old. That year, Vicky's grandfather had a heart attack on Christmas Eve and she was really miserable.

And so that night, Vicky wrote to Santa Claus:

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is that Grandpa may get well soon.
He's very old now but I love him so much. Please help him get
better this Christmas.


Santa got her letter alright, but unfortunately, Vicky's handwriting was so bad he misunderstood the entire message. I wouldn't want to get into detail but he felt really bad after he found out that he made a mistake. So, Vicky's grandpa was able to live another 12 years to make it up to her.

And that's how the writer of the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" was born...


Behold the lamest story ever told. Merry Christmas.

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