Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dear Santa

I'm beginning to think you've been reading my letters wrong every year because you seem to be getting me the wrong things for Christmas. Not that its a terrible gift or anything if that's what you think. But I think its time you get yourself a pair of reading glasses.

This year, I'm not gonna ask you for any gifts because obviously you need to work on your reading skills before you disappoint me again. But lets review the things you got me for Christmas since the day I first learnt how to write, shall we?

When I was 4,
I asked for a Barbie doll. You gave me a doll, alright. But it wasn't a Barbie doll, it was a rag doll.

I understand that men can't really tell the difference about girly stuff, but really? A rag doll?? Geez...

When I was 8,
I asked for a coloring book with plenty of crayons. It was also that year when I begged you to stop giving me clothes because that's what you always seemed to be giving me every year! Once again, I thought you must have read my letter wrong because you gave me...

That's right. More clothes. Do you have elves that help or elves that sit on the sofa all day long?

When I was 11,
I was finally pleased that you have eventually stopped giving me clothes. This time, I asked you for a pair of roller shoes because all the other kids have it. Instead, you gave me...

Candy. Lots and lots of freakin candy! Need I say more?

When I was 15,
My belief in you was already beginning to deteriorate because you have been giving me the wrong stuff every year. However, I gave you one more chance by asking you for a Makeup set because I thought I was old enough to have one. But what did you give me?

Santa, I understand that a lot of girls get pregnant at my age and I know I did mention that I'm turning into a young lady and all, but SERIOUSLY!? A maternity shirt?? I have totally lost all faith and hope in you.

Its been 2 years since I've stopped writing to you. Back then, I used to write to you with paper. But I have a feeling that its been used as toilet paper for the past 13 years. So I will not give you the pleasure of wiping this entry onto your cold ass because this'll be posted on your computer and I'm sure you don't wanna ruin it, do you?

I'm not writing to you to complain about your past mistakes. OK, maybe a little bit. But the reason why I'm writing to you now its because I want you to give my family a wonderful Christmas this year while I'm away in Italy. Let them not have the Christmas blues because there might be less people to celebrate Christmas with this year, but let them have one of the most memorable ones ever!

Give them a turkey, or give them a roast lamb. Remember to fill all their stockings with lots of presents (PLEASE! No more clothes!) and give them the Christmas spirit they deserve.

This time, no more screw ups. OK?


P.S. Will you do me just one more favor? I would really appreciate it if you could just gather all of Justin Bieber's Christmas albums... and BURN IT. Thank you with sprinkles on top :)

Dear readers, this post is based on a true story. Believe it or not, I've actually received a maternity shirt one Christmas. So to all those girls out there who thinks they've received a weird gift, think of me and be grateful for what you've got.

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