Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Random Readup #11

Hello hello my dear readers!!

Lately, I was wondering if I could go back in time back to my cute little self...

What would I do differently as I grew up?

Well here's what I'd do differently starting from kindergarten.

Back when I was maybe 5 or 6, I had problems with math. My teacher was so frustrated that she took her red pen and continuously 'stabbed' my head with the pointy part whenever I didn't understand. Hard.

What made her even more frustrated was that I neither cried nor did I say a word. I just stared at her.

What I should've done:
I should've told my parents about it and get her sacked. And then I'll sue her for child abuse and I'll get lots of money and then I'll buy myself lots and lots of candy!! MuaHAHAHAHA!!!

Then came primary school..

OK, I was 7 that time. I was in this Chinese school and I barely knew how to make any friends. So I was a very quiet girl then. There's this really tall and SUPER white boy who sat next to me and he'd constantly try to make me talk.

Being very timid, I was not quite used to being pressured by things like these and although I maybe awfully shy, I'm pretty stubborn too. So, I ignored him.

Then there was this girl who spoke to me at a super fast speed during recess and I couldn't understand exactly what she said and I nodded. As soon as class began, the boy sat next to me and said, "Look, I know you like me."

And I was like, huh!?

I should've known that girl was up to something...

But I couldn't remember much after that. All I knew was that he was a pretty cocky kid then.

What I should've done:
Talk. Maybe then, I'd be a little more normal.

Then came the time when I was 9. I was the new kid in Seri Suria... and the school bus.

Our bus would sell all kinds of snacks and stuff and there was this fat kid who was my classmate and he needed money. So, he asked me for 80 cents but I didn't want to give it to him because there was something about him that I didn't like and I don't trust him.

What's more, he was very rude when he asked for it. Why can't he get it from someone else? So, I ignored the brat.

Being frustrated and angry, he started attacking me! He started kicking me and yelling at me. So what did I do? I fought back of course!

At first, I blocked his blows because I really didn't want to make a scene. Then he got overboard. So I kicked him and finally gave him a good punch in the stomach.

In the end, he gave up the fight. But he tricked my brother into taking my money and gave it to him. And that's how the fat kid got the money in the end. I watched his smirk face as he marched away with my money in his hands.

But what made me angry most of all was when we got home, I told my mom all about it and what did she say?

She said it was all right and let him be.

What I should've done:
Beat the crap out of him! I know its just 80 cents, but justice needs to be served and I should've suspected something when my brother came up to me. I was too soft.

Ah! When I was 13, there was this KH (Kemahiran Hidup, a.k.a Living skills) project where we were supposed to each take care of some seeds. I took good care of it for the past few weeks and it grew quite quickly.

On the day I was supposed to hand it over to the teacher, I left it under my desk where this guy sat during mandarin class. When I came back, he drowned it and put liquid paper on it.

What I should've done:
Smash the plant over his head.

Hmm.... come to think of it, so far I've had a lot of boy trouble, haven't I?

And now, if I'd chose which time would I would go back most of all to fix something, I'd choose 2009, back when I was 15.

If you didn't know, I'm a Catholic and so I go for rosaries. I went with my mom and brother, just going to one of the members of the BEC's (its a community from our church) house for rosary. Little did I know that what seemed like the usual friendly fellowship gathering became the most humiliating night of my life. So far.

OK, so it was after we've finished our rosary and we were sitting down by the dining table, having a drink with some cakes and sandwiches on the table and just chatting. One aunty offered me a cake and I declined the offer because I've already had dinner and I didn't feel like eating. Then, mom said that I was on a diet.

Diet? Who said anything about a diet? I wasn't hungry!

And the moment she said 'diet', another older aunty suddenly said, "You know ar, to be quite honest, you are quite fat, you know?"

I know that its quite true, so I just politely nodded.

And some more, she MUST emphasize her point. "Actually, you must eat lesser. Because I want to be honest with you and you are very fat. You must diet a bit more."

OK, I know that I maybe a bit overweight, but I think she's pushing it.

Then AGAIN, she wants to add, "You should go to the gym more and did you know that there's this machine that helps you to lose more weight? But it costs about RM100 per use. You really need to try harder, you know?"

What's more, she started to speak to my mom in Cantonese, as if I don't understand. And she was like, "Hou fei ar." (Fat ar?) and my mom also went, "Hai ah, hou fei." (Ya lor, very fat)

Mom, of all people!

And so, I had to endure this for about an hour and every time someone tries to change the subject or tell me that its not so bad, she'd say, "No lah! She's fat, OK?" and then she'd go on about my weight. As if she's the bloody world's most attractive body of the year or something!

You wanna know what's she like? OK, I'll tell you what she's like.

First of all she's skinny. Therefore, it means that she has the 'authority' to call anyone in her way 'fat'. Second, she's definitely waay above 60 and she dresses like she's 16, except her outfits are the kind that no teenage girls would be caught dead in!

She ALWAYS wear spaghetti stringed tops with the teeniest hot pants, so short, you'd swear they were panties in the most outrageous colours like a shocking pink or a banana yellow. Plus, she likes to wear a white ribbon tied around her head like the ones you see on little girls in her platinum silver hair. AND she wears all these 'cute' accessories which are meant for YOUNG people.

Basically, she dresses up as anything BUT her age. Besides that, she likes to hire ONLY young men as her caddie whenever she goes golfing (and yes, she also wears the most skimpiest outfit during her game).

The poor guy, what did he do to deserve this?

But if she has a body like Fran, from 'The Nanny', no one would be complaining. Unfortunately for everybody, she doesn't. Her skin is leathery and old with all its elasticity gone and whenever she walks with those awful pants, her legs wobbles.

And I don't mean by wobble a bit, I mean it WOBBLES! Like how you'd see those Hawaiian dances where they move their hips in a super inhuman speed?

Yeah, that kind of wobble.

What I should've done:
I should've calmly said, "Shut up, you old bag. I maybe fat, but at least I'm not UGLY."
*stare at her and smile politely*
"I can always go on a diet."

And then I'd walk back home by myself, with her mouth hanging wide open for the flies to come in.

I know that we're supposed to respect the elderly, but there is NO WAY I can respect that cow of a woman.

And so, a darker side of me has been revealed. Now wasn't that lovely?

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